Question #124

Does Tyvek qualify as paper? [as I ponder which bin to throw this large envelope into]

Question #123

Is it considered child pornography when the pornography is made by a child?

Here's the Boing Boing post:

Two Florida teenagers, ages 16 and 17, boyfriend and girlfriend -- snapped digital photos of themselves engaged in sexual activity. They were prosecuted under state child porn laws, and convicted.

I thought child pornography laws were there to prevent children being taken advantage of? How does this apply then?

Question #122

How... can... work... be... so... stupefying?

Question #121

Since we attacked Iraq and that was an offensive move, why is the Secretary of Defense in charge of that war?

Question #120

If they're called freeways, why don't we get our gas for free then?

Question #119

Why do puns make people groan?

Question #118

We know of Multiple Sclerosis, is there such a thing as Singular Sclerosis?

Question #117

Does the play, "Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead" by Tom Stoppard, qualify as "fanfic"?

For those of you who aren't geeks or nerds, Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are two minor characters from Shakespeare's play, Hamlet. Their ONLY reason to be in the play basically is to die. Tom Stoppard, a genius in his own right, took these two minor characters and made an absurdist play about them.

Fanfic are basically fiction written by fans, about what they're fans about. Tons of Star Trek fanfic abound throughout the web, as well as other cultish series like Babylon 5, Xena, Beauty and the Beast (the TV series) etc.

Most producers (that is, the money makers on the series, but not the concept/story makers) frown on fanfic, but most writers/actors/directors/creatives enjoy reading how fans interpret what they're doing and sometimes, you can get really good writers out of people who do fanfic.

For those who frown on fanfic, I send you the above Hmm Question. Is the ONLY difference between fanfic and Tom Stoppard's "Shakespeare in Love" and "Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead" is that Shakespeare's plays no longer has an active copyright?

If so, your reasons for frowning on fanfic, sucks.

Question #116

Why are jerkish behaviors thought to be funny?

Question #115

When babies giggle in their sleep, what are they dreaming about? Could it be a previous life?

Question #114

From CNN's Offbeat News:

Why don't penguins' feet freeze?

Question #113

In celebration of NaNoWriMo: How many words in a month can someone write in a novel before going crazy?

I'm hoping 50,000+

Question #112

Does reincarnation only happen on Earth or do Aliens get to be reincarnated as humans or animals?

Question #111

Why does nudity equate perversion in the minds of so many?

And please don't say it's because of Genesis and the Garden of Eden. Many many Asian countries have problems with nudity and they wouldn't know Adam and Eve even if those two offered free apples to all from the tree of knowledge.

Question #110

Do all women between the ages of 39 to 45 know the words to You Light Up My Life and if so, WHY?!?!?

Yes, I DO know all the words to it.

Question #109

Have you ever known ANYONE that has returned a call to one of those automated phone calls with the robots?

Question #108

Why do men call up a company, ask for a cell phone number and YET DON'T IDENTIFY THEMSELVES?

It's amazing. Women who call here, ALWAYS identify themselves, and yet men will often address me in a familiar way without identifying who they are.

Were most men born in a barn? Were they not taught ANY sort of etiquette? Sheesh!

Oh yes, Massa, I will give you the phone number of all I work with, just because your commanding voice merely asked for it.

Dream on!

Question #107

Can you tell the issue of not going after Osama Bin Laden is bugging me?

Question #106

When does a boogey-man stop being an effective boogey-man?

Not so much a Hmm Question, since the answer's relatively easy - Answer: When the boogey-man gets captured, of course.

Why do you think the U.S. has stopped hunting Osama Bin Laden?

Question #105

Why isn't catching Osama Bin Laden a top priority for Bush and the Republicans?

Could it be that the "Global War on Terror" needs to be an on-going boogey-man for the Republicans cause otherwise we'd look at their abysmal record and oust them?

Question #104

Have you ever noticed that people who park in 20 min. parking all day long, and people who park in handicapped spaces without a handicap tag all day long, usually own cars that are expensive (like over $30k)?

Question #103

How and when did graciousness become a lost artform?

It's so stupid that I feel gratitude towards people when they decide to show some graciousness. How did society become so hardened that being gracious means wimpishness? There's a part of me that really hates the cynicism of modern-day society but then I'm a cynical person too.

Question #102

Why did the order of states in the U.S. happen the way it did?


If you look at any U.S. fact sheet, you will see that California is the 31st state and somehow statehood skipped a ton of land between Wisconsin, the 30th and California. Huh?

Question #101

Have you ever written a note to the future on some sort of basement/closet/attic door doorjam, for some child to discover and unleash her/his imagination? If not, why not?

Question #100

It's the 100th question, which begs for a serious Hmm Question.

Did the introduction of the Grading Curve to the United States educational system, help lower standards in literacy?


I was shocked when I came to the States to study and was asked by my fellow students to stop aiming for 100% on my tests because I was "bringing up the curve." I cringe when I realize a lot of people don't know the difference between effect and affect, they're and their, it's and its.

Why was the Grading Curve introduced? So less people would fail? I just don't understand lowering standards - the whole reason for standards is having goals to shoot for. Or maybe I just don't understand because I've never struggled in class (except for college physics).

Question #99

Why do people (men) want all the perks but none of the costs?

I was told by the guys in my office that they wanted a couch in their restroom just like women do. I told them to get periods and cramps first. They said, "oh, just be cranky and we'll get one?" I said, "No! Bleed in pain once a month for a week and you can have one. We'll gladly exchange the couch for the lack of pain/blood."

Question #98

Why can't people take the easier route? Is it hardwired into our brains that if we see an easier way out of a predicament, we have to refuse it?

Question #97

Is Apple going through growing pains?

Question #96

Why doesn't society reward niceties?

Bratworse was nice to Apple. I was quite an asshole. Guess who they responded to?

Question #95

If odor-eaters eat odors, what do they do to your nose?

Question #94

Do you think door-to-door salespeople would prefer a firm but terse rejection or would they prefer an attentive audience that's out to fuck with them?

A co-worker and I were arguing about this, since I just basically was rude to a solicitor who just wanted to ask question after question.

Question #93

If "smart-alec" = "smart-ass", then does that mean all Alecs are asses?

Question #92

Why on earth would anyone TAKE THE TIME OUT to open a ream of paper, pull out a SMALL HANDFUL to put into the copier when copiers are designed to take the entire ream of paper?

Could it be:
a) The person can only carry a small amount of weight and therefore taking out the entire ream is out of the question?
b) The person is spatially retarded and cannot comprehend that the deep well in the copier can hold more than the handful he's holding?
c) The person is damn inconsiderate, only thinking of himself and thinks this is funny to make others put in the rest of the paper?
d) The person got zapped by aliens in the middle of putting paper into the copier and is now residing on a spaceship somewhere with something up his butt being probed? (one can only hope)

Because this is a multiple choice question, it's not technically a Hmm Question, but still... doesn't this make you question the stupidity of humankind?

Question #90 & #91

Why, oh Lordy, WHY do these imbeciles get elected?

Rep. Jean Schmidt of Ohio wrote that insipid newsletter. She actually wrote, "The United States is the kindest, most generous country to ever exist on this planet. We spend billions all over the world feeding, caring, protecting, and building." and "It is easy to understand that when you know your liberator and he does not come, it must mean he doesn't care. Hearts begin to fill with hate. Evil takes root. Soon all of your problems only exist because the United States failed to solve them."

This brings us to the next Hmm Question: With people like this in charge, how can there be hope left for the U.S.?

Question #89

If you put pasta and anti-pasta together in the same pot, would a black hole open up in your kitchen?

Question #88

If there is no oxygen/air in space, and explosions need something flammable to expand, how did the Big Bang happen?

Question #87

Why is it on most days, the last hour creeps by at work?

Question #86

Why does a power nap of 10 minutes refresh better than a 3 hour nap?

Question #85

Why is it if you jab at an open mouth that's starting a yawn, you can always stop the yawn?

Try it, it always works.

Question #84

If there is no up or down or around in space, then why do all space movies show spaceships about to do battle as facing each other on the same plane?

Question #83

Just what is it about a 4 month old's smile that automatically makes you smile?

Question #82

Why doesn't kryptonite affect humans if it can affect super-humans?

Question #81

If a priest delivers a really boring sermon, can he be considered a "mass" murderer?

Question #80

Was just humming the Bumblebee Tuna theme song to myself when this popped into my head:

What IS a bumble?

Question #79

Okay, I just got this from Amazon.com:

We've noticed that customers who have purchased The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster also purchased books by Marian Macsai. For this reason, you might like to know that Marian Macsai's Ophthalmic Microsurgical Suturing Techniques will be released soon. You can pre-order your copy by following the link below.

Today's Hmm question is this: What could POSSIBLY be the connection between the Phantom Tollbooth, a children's book, and Ophthalmic Microsurgical Suturing Techniques.

Best original answer will get posted below as an addendum.

Question #78

Why is it that the stuff you don't procrastinate on, nobody asks about, but the stuff you procrastinate on, are the stuff people want five minutes after they give it to you?

Question #77

Is it possible to loathe half the work you do, and still not go postal at a job?

Question #76

Why does every neighborhood that contains kids, also contain a "haunted house" (or variations thereof - my neighborhood had a witches coven) and every kid in the neighborhood can point it out?

As an adult, I now realize that designated witches' house was probably the house of a couple of lesbians trying to live in peace.

Question #75

You know those balding men who grow their few remaining strands of hair really long, then sweep the strands into a circle on top of their heads? Well, this Hmm Question is directed to the female equivalent.

Do those women with thinning hair, really think that perming their hair into curls would hide the onset of baldness?

I guess so, otherwise, why would so many women do it?

Question #74

Are humans the only creatures on earth, to run screaming away from things they're afraid of, like spiders?

I don't think I've ever seen a dog/cat/bird scream and shake in terror when a bug falls on them.

Question #73

Do you think all those girls named Muffy, Buffy, Missy, etc. and all those boys named Biff, Chip and Blake are still called those names?

For the record, my pal who IS named Blake, does go by it... I guess it's not *that* preppy of a name. Hmm, just realized I know two people named Blake.

Question #72

Where did the term Esquire come from and why does it mean attorney/lawyer?

Question #71

Why does watching someone fall flat on their face, make us laugh?

Question #70a, b & c

Why do recorded messages that call you, NEVER start at the beginning?

Is there no technology in the world that determines when a phone picks up? I understand if the answering machine picked up, that the timing would be off, but even when I pick up the phone? So, as a corollary Hmm Question:

Do these dumbass marketers really think that not being able to hear the first part of the message would entice people to call back?

Or do they figure that if you're sucker enough to call back, you're sucker enough to buy whatever it is they're selling?

Question #69

I know saying "Bless you" to a sneeze originated with the belief that when you sneeze, part of your soul is being jetted out of you. But here's the Hmm Question: How does saying "Bless you" protect you from losing bits of your soul or preventing the devil from taking bits of your soul as it falls with your spittle?

I mean, does it form a protective barrier and somehow by osmosis, slip the bits of your soul back into you?

Question #68

Why did "those twins", (non-speaking) spokespersons for Coors Brewing Co., disappear when Pete Coors ran for the U.S. Senate?

Question #67

Why don't researchers understand that this (not knowing how to work electronic gadgets) is the EXACT equivalent to men screwing up in the kitchen so they don't have to do any work?

I mean you don't see research after research about men's SEEMING inability to wash dishes without breaking one as a sign of their inferiority, do you?

Sheesh!

Question #66

Joshua Micah Marshall asks over at Time.com: could it be possible that "In the Bush era, the timing and quality of "arrests" and "warnings" have a suspicious ring"?

Josh Marshall is one of my favorite journalist/bloggers, who blogs on Talking Points Memo and also is the editor-in-chief of TPMMuckracker and TPMCafe. He's concise, honest, and has a wry sense of humor.

Question #65

If the flag-burning amendment gets passed and the U.S. constitution gets changed, would burning this microscopic flag constitute a federal crime, even if you can't see the flag?

Question #64

It's really going to get much worse before it gets better, isn't it?

Ref: the militarization of Japan's thinking, the bombs in Bombay, the violence between Israel and Lebanon, N. Korea, Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, India, the lose of respect for U.S. military forces, etc.

Question #63

What if the Rapture already happened, and nobody noticed?

Everytime I get onto a light traffic highway, I mutter, "Ah, the Rapture must've happened. Good, I'll be on time."

Question #62

Where did the phrase "... everything but the kitchen sink" come from and why did it get started?

Question #61

If eyes are the windows to the soul, what are the soles?

Question #60

Would you not agree with me, that the ONE commonality of all human nature, is the desire to find short-cuts?

Just realized my phraseology is oh so veddy British here. The U.S. version would be, Don'cha think that the one thing in common among all humans is the desire to find short-cuts?

Question #58 & 59

If all the frogs and toads die off, how will we find Prince/ss Charming?

On a more serious note, the corollary:

If all the frogs and toads die off, does that mean the insect population will explode and what will that mean for mammals?

Question #57

If your child is a genius, would you have to expose him/her to everything to find out where the genius lay, or would he/she figure it out on his/her own?

(Basically, if there were no pianos [OK! I know the piano wasn't really invented when Bach was around - it was the harpsichord and organ] around Johann Sebastian Bach, would we have gotten to know his genius?)

Question #56

Why do we have no problems remember things like the street address we lived on for a year when we were 8, but can't remember what we ordered last night for dinner.

First one who answers old age, gets an internet virus - so there!

Question #55

Why are so many of us influenced by the weather?

Question #54

Why do insurance companies collect your money so quickly and yet pay out on claims so slowly?

Question #53

Submitted by Bratworse:

What is the hardest to teach? and alternatively, What is the hardest to learn?

She suggests that learning how to listen is the hardest.

Question #52

Why is it when bosses say that they want things organized, they really mean, I want YOU to be able to tell me where everything is, without me having to look it up, even though everything is logged and easily accessible?

Yes, I have one of those bosses. Lucky me. Yeah yeah, it's not really a Hmm question but geeze, I need to release the frustration somehow.

Question #51

What happens to feathers you breathe in, in the middle of the night?

Question #50

Why is it so hard to come up with Hmm questions when you're not in a contemplative mood?

Question #49

Why do people who sing off-key, sing the loudest?

(Yes, I'm guilty of this axiom)

Question #48

What do you do when unexpectedly, your pet octopus starts having babies?

(That wasn't technically a Hmm Question, but I bet it did make you go Hmm. Seriously though, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to come up with more Hmm Questions in the next few days because that DID happen to us. We woke up this morning to find many live baby octopuses in our tank and I've a feeling we've got our tentacles... hands full)

Question #47

Since our eyes invert the images coming through our retinas, does that mean what's up is really down?

Question #46

Why is it some people take clarification as a cue that you can't be bothered, when all it means is you need clarification?

As in, "Did you mean this binder?" "Oh gimme that! I'll do it."

Question #45

Who is the most underrated actor in today's world?

My bet is on Johnny Depp.

Question #44

Why do they call it the birds and the bees when interspecies mating is impossible?

Question #43

Why do people who go on vacation, often forget that there is civilization at the destination?

(I've often traveled with people who have to bring EVERYTHING but the kitchen sink - it's not the end of the world if you forget the toothpaste, there ARE stores that carry toothpaste unless you're going to an ice station in Antartica and even there, I'm sure you could find some).

Question #42

This question was asked during a live Q&A with Dan Froomkin of the Washington Post:

How many corners can we turn around in Iraq before we realize we're running in circles?

Question #41

If the Jewish tradition is about hierarchies, why are there so many examples in Jewish/Christian lore about the younger son usurping the elder's role?

(Moses and Aaron, Cain and Abel, Joseph and his twelve brothers - he wasn't the youngest; just the second to the youngest Benjamin, Esau and Jacob)

Question #40

If it's all in your head, do you cut your head open to get it out?

Question #39

Submitted by Bratworse:

If you don't believe in yourself, do you exist?

Question #38

Will anyone notice that I skipped question #35?

Question #37

A corollary to question #36 is:

If you have 15 objects on your bed, why is it that the ONE thing you need for that meeting in the next hour, is the one that falls behind the bed?

Question #36

If you have 6 remote controls, why is it that the one you need is always the 6th one?

Question #34

Why is it, whenever someone says "I don't whine!", it's inevitably in a whiny voice?

Question #33

Are humans the only beings that have a gag reflex? I mean, dogs will eat their own throw-up and yet, we gag at the sight of baby spew. (Yes, I was around a 4-month old baby this weekend and watched all sorts of adults get grossed out at the baby spew).

Question #32

Submitted by my other half, Bratworse:

If the grass is always greener on the other side, which side are you on?

Question #31

This is in honor of a pal of mine:

If fishing was so easy and you caught fish all the time, wouldn't it be called catching instead of fishing?

Question #30 - submitted by Raen in the comments

If fish oil is made from fish, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then why isn't baby oil made from babies?

Question #29

How DO the metering lights help traffic?

Question #28

If people get cryogenically preserved, when they thaw out, will they suffer from freezer burn?

Question #27

Why do you usually need a vacation to recover from your vacation?

Question #26

What is the difference between hair, fur, and mane?

Question #25

It has been proven scientifically that 9 out of 10 people won't drink water that they themselves spat into. Why? It's your own saliva.

Question #24

If the Bible was literally true and not figuratively true, like some fundamentalist Christians believe, then who did Cain and Abel marry? (For those not up on Biblical/Jewish lore, Cain and Abel are Adam and Eve's first sons. They married, begat kids, then one killed the other over God's "favor")

Question #23

Because color has a perceived property (it has no dimensions to speak of so to describe the color "yellow" you'd have to use subjective values), if I got your eyes, could my "yellow" be your "red"?

Question #22

If we had been born with five fingers and a thumb, would our counting system be based on 12 instead of 10 then?

Question #21

How do manufacturers of pet food know which flavors are which? In the same vein, how do pet owners know that the "salmon" cat food actually tastes like salmon? And lastly, if somehow, you as a pet owner decide that it doesn't taste like "salmon", how would you go about proving it?

Question #20

If even the Vice President of the U.S.A. could say go F**k yourself on the floor of the senate, if Justice Antonin Scalia could make an obscene gesture on the steps of a cathedral, why oh why can't people say "fuck" on TV?

Question #19

Are there seeing eye dogs for aging seeing eye dogs who've lost their sight?

Question #18

Since Mexico and Canada are part of North America, and there's Central America and South America, why are Americans called Americans then?

The correlating question is:

Since Mexico is officially the United States of Mexico, how did U.S. of A. become shortened to U.S.? (Since both countries have the same starting initials).

Question #17

If having absolutely symmetrical features make a face seem fake, why do humans try to force nature into symmetry? (as in gardens - think hedges).

Question #16

If you die of boredom from listening to someone, will the person be charged with murder?

Question #15

If people are actually interested in kids learning, why are textbooks so boring?

Question #14

When you train a toddler to use the toilet, we call it potty trained. When you train a puppy, shouldn't we be calling it outside trained instead of house trained?

Question #13

When men participate in internet sex, do men fake orgasms then?

Question #12

If you are double-jointed, does that mean you have to be x-rayed twice?

Question #11

If humans are 70% water, then where do women get the extra water from, once a month?

Question #10

If war is needed to end war (and obviously that paradigm isn't working), shouldn't we try peace to end peace?

Question #9

If a bird was watching you through a window, and you make an omelette, do you apologize?*

*tribute to Steven Wright

Question #8

If I'm 40+ years old and I get carded for buying alcohol, shouldn't I get a discount for age-defying looks? Geeze, it should account for something!

Question #7

If you marry someone your kids' age, at dinner gatherings, does your spouse have to sit at the kids' table?

Question #6

If a bunch of other media uses comic books as a launchpad for ideas (V for Vendetta was based on a comic book; Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles;) why are comic books still generally thought of as kids' fare?

Question #5

If you poke a hole into the one end of the poop that is floating, would you smell poop or a fart?

Question #4

If the Senate and the House of Congress vote every year to give themselves raises, and they don't want to raise minimum wage, do they see Grinches in the mirror when they look at themselves?

Question #3

If we are going to require that foreigners speak English, shouldn't we first require that our president speaks it?

Ref: "Decider"

Raen's Question

Just got an IM from Raen, who commented on the last question. Her query is:

Question #2: If 50% of our oil comes from the middle east, and 50% of it comes from Alaska, and another 25% of it comes from the gulf - according to two different articles in Newsweek... then where the F**K does that extra 25% go and if it's surplus, why are we paying so much?

Welcome!

Welcome to Question that Make You go Hmmm.

I hope to post one of those types of questions every day. Feel free to answer them or pose questions of your own.

Question #1: If you were the last American on Earth, would you have to pay off the National Debt?